


you build me palaces out of paragraphs

by deadmemewalking



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: @ vee el dee you can't just have keith bond w/ his mom offscreen, Getting Together, Love Letters, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Rated T for swearing, also lance overcoming his insecurity is a process, as in i take canon s6 and chuck it out an airlock, brown eyed lance, catch the take a break (hamilton) reference, cause we are intellectuals here, karen the therapist, oblivious boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-02 23:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15806802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadmemewalking/pseuds/deadmemewalking
Summary: A series of unsent letters by Keith and Lance, written to each other during separation, and the aftermath.





	you build me palaces out of paragraphs

**Author's Note:**

> I personally find love letters super romantic.
> 
> This was inspired by the idea of Eliza Hamilton falling in love with Alexander through the letters he wrote her (Burn/First Burn). I wrote this at 1 am after getting the idea 
> 
> Title is from Burn by Lin-Manuel Miranda.  
> This was almost going to be called Love, Keith a la Love, Simon but I haven’t fallen to that level yet lmao
> 
> NOTE: There's a very brief suicide mention in Lance's first letter, you avoid it by skipping from "you won't even read this so it doesn't really matter" to "I don't know if this helps." Also, Lance describes being lonely a lot and alludes to being depressed, but it isn't very blatant. Stay safe!

_Lance-_

_I'm writing this under the assumption that you will never read this. In fact, the only things that will ever see this stupid letter are me and my pillow case when I crumple it up and use it as stuffing._

_My pillow case is actually a huge leaf_ ~~_my mom_ ~~ _Krolia found on one of the only non-poisonous trees here. It's not soft or comfortable but it's better than sleeping on a rock, I guess._

 _I should probably_ ~~_tell you_ ~~ _explain where I am. After Kolivan sent me on a mission to take care of some super weapon with another Blade undercover, things got out of hand. Turns out the undercover agent was my mom (surprise!) and we just barely escaped after she dropped that bombshell. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about this whole thing yet._

_We followed some coordinates for the source of  potent quintessence to a quantum abyss. It’s really cool, with multiple dark stars and neutron stars pulling space debris and planets in different directions. We were in a ship but some strange abyss creatures attacked, and we crashed into a bunch of debris. According to Krolia, getting too close to the gravity wells would stretch us into nothingness, which sounds real fun. I thought we were gonna spend the next few centuries hopping rocks to get to the red planet in the center, but we boarded a space whale thing (??) which isn't affected by the gravitational pulls. I'm hoping that it will take us to the planet in less than a few centuries._

_That's where the trees come from, and also the rock of the cave I'm sleeping in. The whale created an atmosphere around itself, and tons of stuff lives here, like alien plants and a wolf that crashed into the whale like a comet._ _~~I'm trying to bond with it~~ _ _It doesn't want to get close, though hopefully that will change._

_I don't know why I'm saying all this. I guess I miss having people to talk to, or even just people talking around me. The Blades are impassive and serious, and they usually only talk when it's necessary, like mission debriefings and stuff. It's nice, to just chat about unimportant things sometimes._

_I guess I'm just not that comfortable with Krolia yet, to tell her all this. I can't even call her mom. This is so dumb._

_It's really quiet here. I can hear myself think and I'm sick of it._

_Anyway, I'm glad you'll never see this. I don't really like telling people about how I feel._ ~~_You’re a good listener though._ ~~

 

_Keith._

_~_

_To Keith,_

_I'm gonna start off saying this is super weird, and it's only gonna happen once. I don't write letters. It's just not my thing. You'll never read this anyway, so this beginning part doesn't matter. I'd erase it, but Alteans don't have erasers. It's kinda dumb, actually, for a civilization so advanced, to only use pens. I guess they thought everything you write down is important._

_Writing thoughts down is weird. I actually have to think about the words before I write them. I'm so used to rambling or saying what pops in my head._

_My old therapist recommended it, writing stuff down. 'It'll help you figure out your thoughts, Lance' she would say, and I would respond 'But Karen, I already know my thoughts; they're in my head!_

_I don't think she liked me much._

_I bet you're wondering why I had a therapist- or maybe not, I don't get what goes on in your head. Sometimes I feel like I got you figured out, and other times you do a complete 180 and I have no idea._ ~~_Why does it bother me_ ~~ _Fucking pens._

_Plus, you won't even read this so it doesn't really matter._

_Anyway, I had a therapist at the Garrison. I used to get homesick and sad in the beginning, before I met Hunk. I know really competitive schools have a high rate of suicide, so I guess they didn't want to take any chances. After I met Hunk, though, I was all good._

~~_I needed her again, when I didn’t make fighter pilot_ ~~

_I don't know if this helps. If anything, I feel even more lonely, because the only thing (including mice) that'll listen to me is a piece of paper._

_Yeah, I'm writing this cause I'm lonely. It happens, ok?_

_That's enough of that. Self-deprecation hours are over, time for some regularly scheduled pretending like I feel fine! Tune in later for some insomnia!_

_My jokes aren't even funny anymore. Ugh._

 

_From, Lance_

_~_

_Lance-_

_I wasn't sure why I addressed this to you. I didn't realize I wrote your name until I was half-way through. I could've written the last one to Shiro, but it didn't feel right after  what happened._

_Anyway, I'm writing another because I realized, I'm really fucking lonely, ok? Even if the Blades were creepily quiet and it was unnerving to not see their faces behind the masks, at least I knew them. I think a few actually liked me, maybe._

_With Krolia, it's different. I don't know how to talk to her. What do I say? 'Hey mom, how's life been since you abandoned me as a baby and fucked off to space?'_ ~~_Technically, we fucked off to space too_ ~~

_I didn't mention this before, but in the abyss, time collapses because of the stars' gravitational pull, so the solar flares make us have these 'flashbacks'. I don't know what else to call them. You know that basin thing Dumbledore had, which let him relive memories? It's like that, where you watch what happened in the past like an outsider. If you read Harry Potter, that is._

_It's kinda weird that I don't even know if you've read Harry Potter._ ~~_I feel like we should have talked about that before, or at least we would've if I talked to you guys more. Guess I am a lone wolf._ ~~

_Anyway, I saw some of Krolia's memories because of the time flares. I know she crashed on Earth after discovering the Blue Lion was there. She met my father then, and he stayed with her when she decided to stay on Earth and protect the Blue Lion. After I was born, some Galra attacked and nearly killed both my parents. She left after that, to go back to the Blades and continue the mission. I guess it makes sense, to honor her duty and protect the universe, but. I don't know._

_She said she didn't leave for the mission, but to protect the person she loved the most._ ~~_I guess I know the feeling._ ~~

_Still, I don't know if I can forgive her yet. So much of my life was messed up because she left. Is it wrong that I can't accept her reasons, even if they make sense? Am I the fucked up one?_

_Whatever. This letter is long enough without an existential crisis._

 

_Keith._

_~_

_To Keith,_

_I'm back. I guess it wasn't a one time thing, huh?_

_If you're wondering what I did with the last letter, which you're probably not, I hid it in my drawer. I was gonna throw it out an airlock or something, but I couldn't. I didn't want to look at it either, though, so it's in some drawer and I can't remember which one. That might be a problem later, but it's one for future Lance._

_I guess I can admit to being lonely again, no one will see it anyway._

_I've been lonely before. Especially at the Garrison, I felt so disconnected from my family. I was missing all my siblings' inside jokes, and I wasn't gonna be the first person Veronica would tell all the space facts she read, and I wouldn't hear about everyone's days at the dinner table. It was kind of a dark time for me._

_But they were still there. Just a skype call away. And I felt better after Hunk told me that the next time I saw them, there would be so much more to hear about, and that I could tell them about all the happy memories I made at the Garrison. So, yeah, I was lonely, but not really alone._

_It's different now. I couldn't call them even if there was a possible way to, because it would increase the risk of the Galra finding Earth and destroying it. I don't know if I'll see them again._ ~~_I don’t even know if they think I’m alive._ ~~

_And out here, in space, I'm so alone. Everyone has got someone, and I'm the odd one out. I can't even tell anyone about this except you, and that's where it gets really depressing. I'm confessing my sad, sad feelings to my rival._

_Maybe I addressed these letters to you cause I feel like you might listen? The last time we talked, I tried to tell you I should step down, and you didn't really agree with me, which, not what I was expecting at all, dude. Threw me a real curveball there._

_Normally, I would tell Hunk, but now, it feels scary, and it didn't before. Like he might brush it off or make fun of me. Don't get me wrong- he's still my main man, the bestest of buds, greatest friend of all time._ ~~_I don’t know if he feels the same about me, though._ ~~

_It's good thing you won't see these, just in case you would laugh, I guess._

 

_From, Lance_

_~_

_Dear Lance,_

_So. I tried talking to Krolia. It didn't go that great._

_It was right after another flashback, one of her and my dad feeding me in the kitchen. It was domestic, in a way I thought she couldn't be- they looked in love. The conversation went something like this:_

_'Um, you looked- I mean, did you love my dad?'_

_'Yes, your father was like no man I've ever met.'_

_'You guys looked happy together.'_

_'Leaving him was one of the hardest things I've ever done, second only to leaving you.'_

_'Then why did you?'_

_'Excuse me?' (Imagine this in the same tone as a teacher you just offended who can't believe you just said_ that _to_ _her.)_

_'Why did you leave, if it was so hard?'_

_'I already told you, to protect the people I love. You.'_

_'You could've done that from Earth, too. Then you could've stayed with us and protected us.'_

_'The Blade of Marmora needed me. I had to complete my mission of saving the universe.'_

_'They didn't need you as much as we did! There are hundreds of agents! Any of them could have done it, why did it have to be you?'_

_'I had a duty to my people. As a paladin, I thought you would understand that.'_

_'Do you know how dad died? He went into a burning building to save someone. It was reckless but no one stopped him- no one could.'_

_I think I understand now, why I left the team and why I shouldn't have. I cared about_ ~~_you_ ~~ _the team and thought I could protect you guys best as a Blade, fighting and going on missions, rather than staying in the castleship._

_Was it worth it? I don't know. I don't regret it, but sometimes I think about what it would've been like if I never left. Would we have gotten closer? Would the team be better off? The right thing might be to let go of what you want, but it's not always the best thing._

_~~If~~ _ _When I come back, I think I'll ask you if you've read Harry Potter._

 

_From, Keith._

_~_

_Dear Keith,_

_I'd like to let_ ~~_you_ ~~ _this paper know that it is a much better listener than the mice._

_So, Allura and Lotor are together now. They've been getting closer ever since they went to this legendary Altean magic land called Oriande together and had a bonding moment or whatever. She's been helping him with some quintessence project because she's a super cool Altean Alchemist now. Awesome, right?_

_Oh yeah, and Voltron supports Lotor as emperor too. Not sure how I feel about that, completely aside from the Allura thing, because the Galra Empire isn't_ good _now, y'know? Not even counting out evil factions like Sendick's 'Fire of Purification' cult. Lotor's empire still enslaves thousands of planets that deserve to be free, and it's admirable that he's trying to find an alternative for the whole draining quintessence thing, but shouldn't he be focusing on 'his' people more?_

_Anyway, they're always together and she lights up when she talks about him and their project._

_And because I have perfect timing, I've finally realized that my feelings for her are more than just a crush on how gorgeous she is. So, that's great._

_I know I'll never compare to Lotor, because he's the emperor and I'm just, what, a boy from Cuba? I don't have much to offer someone as brave, smart and inspiring as Allura._

_If you were here, you probably would have stormed off by now. No one wants to listen to me rant about my feelings- earlier Hunk and Pidge started teasing me about it, which is fine cause they're my friends, but I expected to be taken a little more seriously._

_Like when I died earlier. Did I mention that? I must've forgotten because apparently everyone else did._

_Sorry... I'm a little snappy because I haven't slept much._

_Dying felt weird. I don't think I'm a changed man or anything, but I realized how easy it is for us to die out here. You blink, and suddenly there's one paladin less. Suddenly, any hope of going back home to my family is gone. Good thing Allura revived me, then._

_Something like death being so insignificant feels wrong. I get that this is a war, and people die everyday, but I never thought it'd be us. I suppose the heroes don't always get to survive._

_I guess I've realized a few things now- not exactly easy pills to swallow. Maybe this whole letter thing helps. Thanks, I suppose._

 

_From, Lance._

_~_

_Dear Lance,_

_Things have gotten better with Krolia, which is nice. Though I'm not sure how much better really awkward talks are than semi-awkward silence and just acknowledging each other when we need to._

_But the space wolf is warming up to me! At least, I think it is. Usually, it stays outside our cave watching me eat, but the other day some insect creatures attacked again and we fought together against them. When Krolia came back from collecting firewood and saw the remains of our battle she got worried about me. It was nice._

_Also, the space wolf let me feed them (he? her? how do I tell?) so I think we've bonded._ ~~_At least they won’t forget._ ~~

_Not much else has happened since the last letter. We scout the area for anything that might tell us about the abyss, I cook because Krolia is an absolute disaster at it, we might have a few flashbacks and talk about them, and then we sleep._

_Ever since the conversation I wrote about in the last letter, Krolia has been different. I think she's trying to understand, and I am too. She also apologized and said she wasn't trying to make excuses before, which was nice. We also almost hugged once, but it was so awkward that I don't want to talk about it._

_It seems mundane, for living on the back of a space whale that floats amongst black holes and massive stars without getting sucked into one of them. Not something to write home about (heh), but I missed this. Talking about_ ~~_family_ ~~ _normal stuff just because._

 _I remember you loved to talk about your family a lot when we first started as paladins. It annoyed me at the beginning, because it seemed like you never stopped talking, and I thought it wasn't that important anyway. But I think I get it. You love them, so talking about them makes you happy, and you also didn't want to forget. You were loud to fill the awkward or tense silence, and I never realized it then, but it used to help._ ~~_I miss your loud rambling_ ~~

_I guess I can relate too, now. After it was less annoying, I would listen and try to imagine the funny stories in my head. It seems like you remember every single detail about everyone. That many people to love sounds exhausting, but you always have so much to give._

_I'm gonna stop before this letter gets any more weird and-._

 

_Sincerely, Keith._

_~_

_Dear Keith,_

_It feels like it's been ages since you've been gone. Kaltenecker agrees- she's here with me._

_I'm hanging out in her field because Hunk and Pidge just had some science break through that I don't understand, Allura is off doing something with Lotor, and playing with just Shiro and Coran is_ _boring_ _._

_By the way! Coran dug up some fun game called Monsters and Mana- it kinda reminds me of Dungeons and Dragons from back home, though I doubt you played that._

_We could make our own characters and roll a dice to control their actions. I was a ninja-assassin named Pike, with wolf ears and a snazzy headband. I was super sneaky and helped save the day! Hunk was a wizard who wanted to save his village, Pidge was a dwarf, Allura was an archer, and Shiro was a paladin for some reason. He was really insistent about it too. Coran turned out to be the bad guy in the end, who was using us to collect these crystals for him. Pidge turned into a giant and Shiro's twin Gyro replaced him after he died, but it was fun! I know it sounds dumb but I think you would've liked it. I wonder what character you'd be?_ ~~_Remind me to ask you when you get back_ ~~

_I was training before we played, since there isn't much else to do- super lonely, remember? Oh yeah- have I mentioned my rad new sword yet?_

_My bayard unlocked a third form during training; Allura called it an Altean broadsword. It's cool to hold a piece of Altean history, but I'm much better at guns. Besides, swords are your thing._

_I never mentioned this before, but sometimes I feel like a replacement for you. Oh Keith can't be Red's pilot anymore? Guess Lance can fill in while he's gone._

_It didn't start now either! Back at the Garrison, I never made fighter pilot class until you dropped out and a spot opened. Which Iverson loved to remind me of every chance he got._

_I couldn't be Black's paladin, but I can keep Red's seat warm for Keith while he leads. Keith's gone, so someone has to fill the vital role as sword-wielder. There's no one to be the lone-wolf, and we don't need a goofball- hey Lance, we found the perfect job for you!_

_Always second best, right?_

_But when I write these these thoughts down instead of letting them run circles around my mind, they seem blown out of proportion? I'll never be as tight with Red as you and him were, but I know we get along. It's fun to practice fancy flying with him, and I'm actually getting used to the controls now! Plus, sometimes we talk, and it's nice. Different from Blue for sure, but in a good, refreshing way. He reminds me of you a lot- blunt, fierce, and stubborn._ ~~_I miss that about you_ ~~

_And I don't feel as alone when I can talk using these letters. It's a little pathetic I guess, but sometimes, when I'm feeling hopeful, I wonder if you'd actually read them. Not that you will!_ _Ever!_

_Great, I'm arguing with myself now._

_I am feeling a little better, though. It's been nice, Not-Keith._

 

_From, Lance_

_~_

_Dear Lance,_

_I have good news! The space wolf and I are friends now! I shared some of my food with them (I'm sticking with using ‘them’ because I asked and they didn't protest), and now we do everything together. They sleep next to me and stand guard in front of the cave while I cook. I don't have a name yet because I'm waiting for them to tell me, once they're ready. I know you'd get a kick out of that, but I'm holding my ground._

_I also went exploring with them the other day and we found these massive trees that might be fun to climb. The branches hang low and have this weird fruit growing on them. I've never seen anything like it, which makes sense, because it's an alien tree growing on the back of a space whale, as previously mentioned._

_Anyway, the fruit is brown and rough, with pointy bumps all around the outside. But once you peel back the skin, it's white- almost clear- and smooth on the inside. Krolia scanned it with her tablet, and I couldn't read the name because I can't read Galran yet, but she pronounced it like lee-chee. The leechee berries are also super sweet. Krolia thinks they're too sweet, but I like them._

_I have a sweet-tooth, I don't know if you knew that._

_Aside from that, though, I'm getting pretty bored. I'm not sure how long it's been, but I'd guess two or three months, based on how long my hair is. Don't laugh- thought you probably_ ~~_will when_ ~~ _would if you read this- but I know my hair grows about an inch in two months, so if my hair is an inch longer, then my assumption makes sense. I don't know how long it's been for you guys, though, because gravity makes time act different here._ ~~_Do you miss me too_ ~~

_Back to my point, I'm glad I have these letters, otherwise I might go insane. Krolia is nice to talk to sometimes, with her dry sarcastic humor, but I think she likes to be alone and silent more. Must be a Blade thing._

_I used to prefer quiet isolation too. That's what I loved about the desert- there's no one to bother you or make you talk, except lizards that sometimes crawled up from under the porch when I brought them fruits. I never really had many friends, besides Shiro, but he's like an annoying older brother who lectures you about eating vitamins, so he doesn't count. I guess I didn't know what I was missing._

_I miss loud laughter and bickering and the really creative alternatives to cursing. Heck, I even miss the lectures or clangs of metal from someone tinkering that kept me up at night. It reminded me that people were there, ones that I was close too. I'm not sure when that happened, but it did._

_This letter was kinda boring, sorry. Not that it matters since no one will read it._

 

_Sincerely, Keith._

_~_

_Dear Keith,_

_You're an asshole, you know? Disappearing on us like that? Just leaving to hang out with some cooler, deadlier group of fighters, and never calling your old team to check up on how they're doing? It's assholish behavior, I'm telling you._

_I've been holding it in, for the past few letters, but I can't anymore. I think I've passed pissed and hurt, going straight to confrontational- which is a stage of grief according to my abuelita's telenovelas. Not that I'm in grief! Oh, who am I kidding?_ ~~_Fuck I miss you_ ~~

_Fuck. Shit._

_Have you ever noticed that swears are so much more real when you write them down? There's nothing like forming the word in your mouth and spitting it out like a loogie, in my opinion, but when you write it down, you can't take it back. There's proof that you took the time to write out a bad word, even if someone might see it and disapprove, and you can erase it but that doesn't get rid of the fact that you had the balls to do it in the first place._

_Just something I was thinking about._

_Anyway, I'm not mad anymore, just disappointed. I thought we were getting closer, after the whole lion-switch, Keith-led-us-into-a-trap, we-worked-together-to-fix-it thing. I felt like your right hand man. I felt needed._

_I'm probably too hung up on this._

_Things haven't been the same without you. Even though you mostly leaned on the wall all broody, and we had to invite you into conversation like a small-talk vampire. Sometimes I look over to explain something to someone, but you're not these. It's weird, dude._

_It's been a hectic week, though. We're basically doing Lotor's dirty work, which I've already talked about my feelings on that, by facing rebellious factions and the like. Working with the Galra Empire is strange. Everyone else is so occupied with their own things, though, Hunk and Pidge with their techy stuff, Allura with her new Altean Alchemy powers, Coran and Shiro with the coalition, so maybe I'm the strange one for thinking about it too hard._

_I'm glad I have these letters though. I've grown a little attached to writing to a hypothetical you who keeps up with my drama and annoying rambling. Keeps me as sane as possible for a teenager defending the universe._

_I hope you're ok, wherever you are. I've always been a little curious about what you've been up to, and thinking about you leaving reminded me that you're off doing Marmorite solo missions. Do you like it? I bet it's different than working with a team, and a lot more stealthy too. I'm not sure I would fit with the Blades of Marmalade- they don't seem like the chatty type- but I bet you get along great with them._

_Well, whatever dangerous, ninja mission you're on, I hope you're ok._

 

_From, Lance_

_~_

_Dear Lance,_

_Krolia hugged me today._

_We were sitting around the fire and talking, about food I think, while the space wolf (still doesn't have a name) teleported around the cave. A flashback thing came, and we're  used to it at this point, so we just waited for it to pass. But then I saw me and Shiro riding our hover bikes in the desert and panicked._

_I'm not sure about the Galra's views on gay people, or if there's even an equivalent because they're_ _aliens_ _, but they don't seem like the super accepting type, in my opinion._

_Anyway, once flashback Shiro and I stopped racing, we started talking about him and Adam, his ex-boyfriend, if you didn't know. Then I came out to him. It was a little cringey, and looking back, I'm pretty sure Shiro responded with at least one meme, but I was more focused on Krolia. Her face was blank, and I was starting to freak out, because of all the people in my life to be homophobic, my estranged alien mother would not be my first guess._

_We came back to the present, and she turned to me all confused, and asked what gay meant. I'm guessing the Galra don't call it that- I don't want to know the word in Galran- but I told her it means I'm romantically interested in boys, not girls. She sat there for what seemed like an hour, then asked why I told Shiro the way I did._

_I won't go into the details of me explaining the history of homophobia and heteronormativity among humans, but in the end, she seemed kind of proud. Apparently, gay people aren't common or widely accepted among Galra, but they don't share personal information like relationships so it doesn't matter that much._

_She called me strong and brave to be who I am, despite all that. She also said she was proud to call me her son, which was nice. And then we hugged._

_It was still a little awkward because we were both wearing armor, and she's way taller than I am, and also really muscular, but I liked it. I'm not very used to hugs, but they're comforting and feel safe._ _~~I bet you give great hugs.~~ _

_And I called her mom for the first time. So that happened._

_I needed to tell someone about that, sorry it got a little long. Thanks for letting me._

 

_Sincerely, Keith._

_~_

_Dear Keith,_

_I'm getting worried, and I'm not sure who to talk to. Hunk, Pidge and Allura wouldn't take me seriously, I'm sure of it, and Coran is always so busy that I don't want to add anymore to his plate. And I can't go to Shiro because, well, the problem is about_ him _._

_Ever since we got him back, he's been a little off, but I chalked it up to him being in Galra captivity again and just recovering from that. Then Black rejected him, which was a little strange, but I knew how it felt because of what happened with Blue, and you were becoming a much better leader in your own way. Then Black took him back, and all was right with the world._

_Now, I'm not so sure._

_Before Kral Zera, Lotor tried to convince us to take him there so he could become emperor. Allura, Hunk, Pidge and I rejected the idea because it was way too risky, all things considered. Shiro was super adamant about doing it, which was weird enough, but when I tried to get between his and Allura's arguing, he yelled at me. Twice._

_I've never seen him yell at anyone before in that way before, not even Slav. He seemed actually angry, like he should be in charge and I was wrong for getting in the middle of it._

_It didn't feel great, but that's not important right now._

_After the whole Kral Zera thing, on Olkarion, all the paladins needed to meet in the Astral Plane to wake up Voltron. Shiro took way longer than everyone else, and then he called out to me. I didn't catch what he said, and when I asked him about it after the battle, he didn't remember it at all._

_Most recently, we were repairing an omega shield after Sendick damaged it, and I'm not sure what exactly happened, but according to Pidge, Shiro went crazy for a minute. He was clutching his head and she couldn't get through to him, He was unaware of where he was and the mission. Ever since then, he's been getting random migraines and has been pretty out of it._

_I'm worried, for him, but also for what all this means._

_But I don't know who to talk to. It all seems like coincidence until you look at the pieces together, but still, I doubt the other would believe me. I'm still having trouble believing myself._

_I can't even deny that I miss having you here in situations like these. I remember when we talked in your room. It was nice, your attempt to comfort me with a joke, even though it kinda flopped, my dude. I'll admit, I didn't just go to you because you were the leader; I felt like I could trust you to be honest with me. You took me seriously, and right now, I could really use someone else's genuine opinion on this._

_But you're not here._

_It's a little pathetic of me to be writing all this at all when it has no consequence. No one will see it. I've almost convinced myself I'm reaching._

_I wish you were here to tell me I'm not._

 

_Sincerely, Lance_

_~_

_Dear_ ~~ _est_ ~~ _Lance,_

_I wish I was with you guys right now. Especially after the last letter, I feel like I need to share something that important to me with you. I wonder what you're doing now, if you would catch me up on your adventures after I catch you up on mine. I can't wait for this mission to be over._

_Sorry about the wet splotches. The space wolf is sitting right next to me and eating leechee berries, even though I tried to make them go somewhere else. I also tried teaching them fetch once, but they would never go get the stick; it's a work in progress._

_I've been thinking about the team a lot. My mom was wondering about team Voltron, so I described all of you to her and now she's excited to meet you. I'm not sure if that's a good thing yet, since her excited is kind of like a dog knocking over their water bowl in eagerness. She doesn't know about the letters yet though; I like having this thing for myself._

_There's a weird feeling I get sometimes when I think about how much I miss you or seeing you again. It's a little embarrassing- I wouldn't be writing this down if you were going to read it._

_I imagine hugging you when I come back. I've hugged Shiro before, and my mom a few times too, and I've decided that they're great. I like to think hugging you would be warm and soft, and I could actually reach high enough to tuck my chin over your shoulder. I've always wanted to do that. Your arms would wrap around my shoulders and mine would go to your waist so we would be close, and then you'd squeeze just tight enough to let it linger. It would be a nice welcome home hug._

_I've never done that before- fantasize about seeing you again. It's really confusing, and I didn't quite realize how intense it was until I wrote this letter. To be honest, I'm surprised I even managed to write all that down._

_These weird fuzzy feelings started after my mom and me shared that moment from the previous letter. I've never let anyone get too close, because I thought that then I could avoid them leaving. I'd gotten so tired of people abandoning me that I started to leave first, before they could. I've never expected anything other than that, after my mom left, my dad died, and Shiro disappeared twice._

_But now. I know why she left. I'm coming to terms with it. I know she's proud that I'm her son- she said it herself. And I'm beginning to realize that what happened with my dad and Shiro wasn't my fault. It's a weird realization, like you've been walking on coals your whole life, until suddenly you realize you don't need to. I'm letting myself feel more now, instead of shoving it down and ignoring it._

_It's still very confusing though, and I feel like if you were here, you'd tease me a little. Friendly teasing, and then I'd say something about the Nyma incident and you'd comment on my mullet- fuck, I'm doing it again._

_I won't bother crossing it out._

 

_Yours, Keith_

_~_

_Dear Keith,_

_Things have been settling down a bit over here, and I've been doing some thinking._

_Dangerous, I know._

_It took me a while to figure out the way I felt about Allura. When we first met she fell into my arms, and it's not everyday that a gorgeous alien princess falls into your arms. I had a crush, which, you can't blame me, and so I flirted. A lot. A little obnoxiously too._

_But we've all grown so much together, and with so many shared life-or-death experiences, my attraction grew into respect and admiration, especially after Allura became Blue's paladin._

_I was denying it for a while, because it's scary as fuck, having real feelings for someone, because then the rejection hurts that much worse._

_And yeah, I did basically get rejected, and it hurts a lot, but I still needed to admit it. Cause now, I've realized something._

_Y'know it's moments like these that makes these letters feel more like a teenage girl's diary. Anyway._

_I've realized, Keith, that I have very real, very scary feeling for you._

_You know how people used to say that if a boy tugged a girl's ponytail, he liked her? Yeah._

_I started the rivalry to feel like your equal, because I've always been second best. And your mullet is definitely an insult to fashion, but I probably paid more attention to it than a platonic rivalry warranted. I've been attracted to you for a while, but I don't think you realize how intimidating you are. I look at you and I look at me and I wonder why a boy like you would want a boy like me. You're also not very approachable, dude, with the whole broody, bad boy vibe you got going on._

_It's not just attraction though, and I've realized that. After becoming your right hand man, I got closer to you. You're not just a perfect, unattainable statue, Keith, you're real. I like your broody pout just as much as your determination and fierceness; I think your dumb mullet is cute too, and that's really telling, honestly, because it would make Supercuts employees cry._

_I admire and appreciate and like you for you, way more than I thought I could. I didn't need to get rejected by someone else to figure it out- I just realized that, even though I know how much it hurts to get my heart broken, I still care for you that way, because it's worth it._

_I'm still so, so terrified._

_I'm glad you aren't reading my sappy confession. I hope I get the courage to tell you in person._

 

_Yours, Lance_

_~_

_Dear Lance,_

_I think words are very difficult. I've never been the best at saying them, and even when I can get them in my mind beforehand, once I'm face to face with someone, it gets harder to get them out and into the air._

_Writing things out helps me get my thoughts together. Conversation is confusing, with different cues and signs that I can't catch. Here, I can take my time to figure out what I want to say so I can get it right._

_There are so many thing I wish I could tell you, even though there's a war going on and we're on the front lines. Like, I think you're amazing, even if you don't. I'm in complete awe by you; I've seen you take down eleven sentries with eleven shots, sacrifice your life for another without even blinking, and get up again to keep fighting._

_I want to tell you that I love your charm and dumb jokes and goofiness, and the way you always make me smile. Even out here, while I'm (mostly) alone and heading towards the uncertain, your gorgeous brown eyes and stunning smile warm me up from the inside._

_I've been out here for six months on a mission, but still I'm thinking of your endless empathy and support, the way you never left or stopped trying, how we make a great team._

_We're almost at the end of journey out here, I can feel it in the way everything is tense and waiting. I can't help but want for it to be over, so I can go home to you guys and see you again. I don't know what we'll find or how much has changed in the six months I've been gone, but I want to listen to you tell me all about it._

_Romantic monologuing isn't my thing, but you make me do it anyway. I've never felt this way about someone; never allowed myself to. It's thrilling- terrifying in a good way._

_This is the closest thing to a love letter you'll ever see me write._

 

_Yours, Keith_

_~_

_Dear Keith,_

_When we got shot into space those months ago, caught up in an intergalactic war, and chosen as defenders of the universe, I never expected to feel this way. Things are shaking up over here, in many different ways, and I'm scared. Scared about this situation, scared about how the war will end, scared about never seeing my family again, scared about anything happening to the people I care about._

_But still, you give me strength to get through it._

_I've had my ups and downs, but these letters, writing to a hypothetical you, has kept me grounded. I picture your fierce determination and loyalty and intense passion for doing the right thing. You can be blunt and hot-headed and so stubborn, but all these things combined are what make you so amazing._

_Sometimes, I feel like I'm just a boy from Cuba. But if I am, then I'm a boy from Cuba with something to fight for, something to live for, something to go home to at the end of the day. I'd like to take you there when this is over. Show you the house I grew up in, surf on the waves, walk along Varadero Beach. I think you'd fit in there._

_I think about us sometimes, together and happy, and I have hope. Don't get me wrong, I'm still terrified of rejection or something going wrong. But it all seems worth it._

_I know you're returning soon. I've thought about giving you my letters and I've thought about telling you in person, and I've even thought about waiting till the war is over. I'm not sure what I'll do, but when I see you I think I'll know._

_There's not a lot of time for hugs in a war. I'd still like to give you a welcome home one. Hold you close for a moment, let everything be alright, make it linger._

_I have a lot of hope, more than the cautionary pamphlet for fighting against stacked odds advises. Maybe I'm an optimist, maybe I'm a little in love._

 

_Yours, Lance_

_~_

Keith can feel the presence of his letters, creased from being folded and unfolded several times before he shoved them away, pressing against his thigh. Without anything to do with his hands, he wants to fidget, the left over energy and rush from the battle racing beneath his skin. The longer he waits, the harder it gets. So he knocks on the door, three times, quickly and then lowers his hand, like he's been caught.

There's a noise of acknowledgement from inside, and white metal slides away, revealing Lance's tired face, though it's taken over by surprise.

"Oh! Keith, I... wasn't expecting you. I thought everyone would be sleeping after that battle." He rubs the back of his neck with one hand and keeps his eyes trained on the floor.

"Yeah, uh, I just wanted to... apologize," Keith stammers, and wonders why everything is so much harder to say out loud, "for brushing you off when I got back, and also for being so forceful about the Shiro thing."

"It's ok. It was a stressful situation, and we didn't have time to waste," Lance says.

"It was still rude of me. I'm sorry."

"O-oh. Thanks, man."

Keith doesn't let the awkward silence last, and pushes on. "Good job, dealing with the whole clone thing, by the way. I heard you were the first to figure it out." He offers what he hopes isn't a strained smile.

"Yeah, good thing we figured it out when we did. It would've been super messy to handle the clone going all psycho and the Lotor thing at the same time. We’ll get the real Shiro back from the astral plane soon, I’m sure. Don’t worry."

It would be stupid to blush for that, _it would._ "Yeah. Uh, you were great in Black. I was surprised at first, but you definitely deserve to be flying with them; you're a great leader." If Keith's face wasn't incriminatingly red before, it is now.

It's some consolation that a blush is spreading up Lance's neck and to his cheeks, but also unfortunate that Keith finds it very, very adorable. They stand their like a couple of blushing idiots for longer than necessary, and maybe Keith is spurred on by the way Lance won't meet his eye but keeps sneaking glances anyway, but he says something he will most likely regret. "I kinda wanted to hug you, right when I got back." He might have pretended not to notice the way Lance's arms lifted on instinct, ready to intercept someone else's body, as if Keith's eyes weren't drawn to his every move.

Lance's head snaps up to meet his gaze, shock written across deep brown eyes; but it fades into something softer and hopeful, and Keith prays that he's no reading too far into it. "You still can."

It's all the invitation he needs. Keith surges forward like his body was waiting on the brink for permission, brings his arms up around that waist, tucks his face into his shoulder, just like he's spent weeks imagining. Lance's arms wrap around his shoulders, comforting and secure, squeezing his even closer for a moment too long and not long enough. It feels like coming home. Keith draws back, arms staying around Lance for as long as possible before falling back down to his sides. Every inch of him tingles from the prolonged contact, a live wire.

He reaches into his pocket, prods the folded letters with his fingertips, and says, "I have something to give you, actually."

Lance eyes light up with figurative light bulbs. "Oh, me too." He opens his bedroom door wider and gestures inside, suddenly shy, "you can come in."

Lance's bedroom looks like a mirror of his own- his old one? would they let him have it back?- except with the bedsheets slipping onto the floor and some items he can't make out on the nightstand. Lance searches through several drawers before pulling out a bundle of papers, neatly folded and tied with some thin string like a newspaper bundle. Keith fingers his letters where the edges are worn and creased from when he used them as pillow fluff once, self conscious. Too late to go back now.

"These are for you," Lance hands over his bundle with confidence that doesn't look fake, while Keith gives him the folded, wrinkled papers. Still, Lance holds them in his hands like they're something precious.

"I'll find you when I'm done?"

Lance looks nervous again, self-consciousness resurfacing, so Keith tries for a reassuring smile, and get one in return. "Sounds good."

He doesn't remember the walk back or changing into pajamas, can only recall reading each of Lance's letters with care and attention, a roller-coaster ride, into the early hours of the morning, and wondering if Lance is next door doing the same.

_~_

_My dearest, Lance,_

_I thought I was done writing letters when I got off that space whale. Those six months feel so long ago, even though it's only been a couple weeks, after everything that's happened in the meantime._

_Right now, as I write this, we're sharing your bunk, even though it's definitely too small unless we press close together, and you're sleeping with an arm wrapped around my waist while I use my thigh to avoid ripping the paper. It feels nice knowing that you can sleep easier when I'm around, I'll admit. I also think I understand why your bed is always such a mess- you kinda splay out everywhere._

_Sometimes I can't believe we're back together, and_ together _, but then I remember how much we've both grown and I'm just proud. Reading your letters, seeing into your mind and thoughts from when I was away, makes me appreciate everything you do now even more. You amaze me everyday, with the way you lead the team, keep us all together, and keep fighting despite how scared you are._

_I've grown too, I realize, when I look back. Six months ago, I never would let anyone this close to my heart, from fear and learned behavior and my own self sacrificing mentality. Writing those letters, getting to know my mom, it helped me so much, and I'm grateful, because now I can let myself cuddle in bed with you and wake up to your soft kisses._

_All the letters I've written before where done with the assumption that you would never read them, but in the end, letting you see that part of me was an easy decision. I don't know if I'll give you this one yet._

_There's a lot we still don't know. Everyday, we wake up to a war and thousands of innocent lives that depend on us. Every action has consequence, every moment has weight. I still wake up sometimes expecting you to be gone, waiting for you to leave._

_But you never do. And I think that one last doubtful part of me is going to disappear too. I don't know a lot about the future of this war or of us, but I do know that any moment being with you isn't a wasted one._

_I wrote before that it was the closest thing to a love letter you'll ever see me write, but I think this one comes pretty damn near it._

 

_Love, Keith_

**Author's Note:**

> Keith’s never had a lychee before because he’s never been to India, this is so sad alexa play despacito.
> 
> If you want clarification on what I changed, hmu, but it's not too important to the story, other than Kuron is figured out by Lance and put into a coma like sendak. When Keith returns, Black chooses Lance as leader before the big fight, and he gets to go back to Red. Lance finds Shiro in the astral plane etc etc.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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